A Macro-Horoscope for 2008:
A Scientific Exposition in Character Analysis
by Richard L. Howey, Wyoming, USA
Since Nature is in constant flux and provides us with such a rich panoply of organisms, it is only reasonable that each year the signs of a horoscope change. Remember that horology is a precise science. Oh, sorry, horology is the science and art of clocks and watches, but it must be related, at least, linguistically.
Well, they both have to do with time. O.K., be pedantic–maybe they aren’t related, but just think about that when you find that the description under your sign perfectly fits your personality.
The Sign of the Butterfly–(March 21 to April 19)
You like to bask in the sun and spend as much time as possible lazily dozing. You are not highly motivated, but are gentle and easy-going. You avoid confrontation and enjoy drifting from place to place or into a hiding place when you feel threatened. You will eat virtually anything you come across so that you only have to expend a minimum of energy. While you are not exactly gregarious, you do enjoy the proximity of others of your ilk who take pleasure in basking. This year will generally be comfortable and undemanding for you.
The Sign of the Venus Comb Murex–(April 20 to May 20)
You are exceptionally attractive and extremely vain. You are of moderate intelligence as is evidenced by the fact that you believe that pronouncement of the preacher in Ecclesiastes “Vanity, vanity, all is vanity” is expressing the sentiment that vanity is the highest virtue. Nonetheless, there is no question but that you are lovely to look at. Your vanity sometimes leads you to be indifferent to the needs and suffering of those around you and while you are often arrogant, you are not cruel or aggressive against others. This will be a successful year financially allowing you to indulge your taste for luxuries.
The Sign of the Amphioxus–(May 21 to June 20)
Everyone thinks of you as a smooth rather slippery character. Some say you have insufficient backbone to take strong stands; your positions are always ambiguous. Nonetheless, you manage to exude a certain charm of the sort which liberals are particularly susceptible to. You have learned how to glide through the stickiest sorts of situations, but when things get really tense, you go into hiding. This year will provide you with many challenges and opportunities. If you play your cards badly, you might get elected to public office.
The Sign of the Sea Urchin–(June 21 to July 23)
You are the classic curmudgeon! You have a strong tendency to bristle at anyone who doesn’t agree with you. You gather together with your own kind in great numbers and kvetch about everything from the price of a cup of coffee to third-hand smoke to the taste of toothpaste. You are difficult to please and often highly demanding. You are a strict vegetarian (inept hunter) which may account for much of your crankiness. On the positive side, you are very complex and mysterious. This year will provide you with more than ample opportunities to vent your spleen and give your acerbic intellect a real workout.
The Sign of the Sea Lily–(July 23–August 22)
You are very sensitive and artistic. You tend to structure your life more on the basis of emotion than reason. This makes you volatile and unpredictable which some find most attractive. You lead a colorful life, but are often lonely. You tend to be a bit promiscuous and, as a consequence, suffer guilt. This year will allow you to express yourself creatively in a variety of dimensions and will open new vistas for you to explore emotionally.
The Sign of the Goliath Beetle–(August 23 to September 22)
Your size and sense of self-importance tend to make you a bit of a bully. You are highly opinionated and resent ever having to admit that you are wrong even about the most trivial matters. You are exceptionally strong and have remarkable endurance. When you decide on a course of action, you plod on relentlessly and are virtually unstoppable. People often indulge you because you are imposing and also have a certain charisma due in part to your striking appearance. This year will provide you with some extraordinary financial opportunities and if you are shrewd and tenacious, you stand to profit significantly.
The Sign of the Cat–(September 23 to October 22)
You are completely self-contained and largely self-assured. You enjoy the company of others, if they indulge you. You require a great deal of attention including frequent massages. In return, you are generous of spirit, loving, mostly faithful, and playful. However, if you take a dislike to someone, let them beware. This is a year to “stay the course’ and continue to insist upon all of the attention, affection, and gifts which you think you so richly deserve.
The Sign of the Starfish–(October 23 to November 21)
You love to adopt different personalities so that you can indulge your penchant for role playing. At one moment you are sleek and tranquil and at the next you are hostile and thorny. Sometimes, you are very drab and project a persona that is drab and boring, but, at other times, you are colorful and vivacious. You are generally not regarded as being terribly reliable. This is an excellent year for you to diversify. Keep a close eye on the stock market (the ultimate con game).
The Sign of the Trilobite–(November 22 to December 21)
You are hyperactive and relentlessly intent even in your playfulness and tend to exhaust those around you. Your intellectual and emotional energy seem boundless to your friends and relatives and thus you sometimes strike them as self-absorbed and callous. As a consequence of your intensity, your physical state plummets on occasion and then you want to be coddled and indulged. This year will bring you more of the same, ups and downs, opportunities that will allow your to demonstrate your creative and intellectual potentialities, and you will experience both satisfaction and frustration. Your chances for economic gains will be modest, but you will be able to maintain a comfortable state.
The Sign of the Walking Stick Insect–(December 22 to January 19)
You have developed marvelous camouflage and are an expert at concealing your feelings. You are stable, reliable, and at times rather pompous and ponderous. You are meticulous when it comes to detail. You go out of your way not to offend anyone and expend considerable effort not to call attention to yourself. You delight in puzzles and solving complex intellectual problems. Since you are good at numbers, this year will provide you with numerous financial opportunities, but only if you are ruthless. However, since that is not generally a part of your character, you will be able to make moderate gains but will not achieve any windfall.
The Sign of the Conch–(January 20 to February 18)
You are a heavy–weight and presence to be reckoned with. You are steadfast and loyal to your friends. In emotional matters, you have a hide like a rhinoceros. You can be stubborn, but you are not petty. You are uninterested in fads and fashions and prefer a simple, unpretentious life. Some regard you as unimaginative since you shun flamboyance. This year will treat you well and you will be able to proceed with your planned projects and bring several of them to completion.
The Sign of the Sea Horse–(February 19 to March 20)
You are unconventional and a bit of a show-off. You are a non-traditionalist even in erotic matters; even so, you are a devoted parent and lavish much attention on your many children. However, you are fun-loving and delight in a bit of display and because of this, some find you rather superficial. Nonetheless, beneath the surface, you are dedicated and concerned. This will be an exciting year for you. You will receive recognition for your work, and the possibility of several awards. This will be a time that you took back upon with affection.
It is marvelous that Nature can reveal to us the truth about our character and also tell us about our future. If you want more detailed horoscopes, these can be provided for reasonable fees. Twelve monthly horoscopes can be obtained for just $175,000 or 365 daily horoscopes for a mere $7,000,000. Just send an e-mail to: iamgullible.nigeria.com. You must have a PainPal account.
All comments to the author Richard Howey are welcomed.
Editor's note: Visit Richard Howey's new website at http://rhowey.googlepages.com/home where he plans to share aspects of his wide interests.
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